Life's Path

Last night, I started packing up some of my things to send to my hometown as I am sending some stuffs that I just bought from amazon.com and some stores here for the opening of my soon to be shop as well. When I started picking up the old clothes that I hardly used for awhile, suddenly memories flushed back to me starting that very first day I stepped in the airport. That moment when I first laid my eyes on the sights of this beautiful country, I was surrounded with mixed emotions , utterly difficult to describe There's excitement and hope but there's also sadness as that was the start of the day that I will seldom see and hug my family. That was the day when I started living alone just by myself. It was difficult but I have proven that I am a strong person as I truly won the battle of loneliness. I won it by teaching myself to stand and rely on my own strength and to have faith always. One thing I learned from  this being away experience is, it forced me to become more independent and to stand my ground holding firmly my full commitment in life. Life here is totally different as everyone is busy doing their own thing. The one thing I'm so proud of is despite of challenges, my commitment never wavered. We remain committed with our words and the love surmounting the foundation of our commitment gets stronger each day. It is really true now that we do have all the options in life and it is up to us to choose our option wisely. To never base a decision out from despair and out from the sake of temporary satisfaction.

Weighing consequences is I guess one my of skills. But above all, I don't want to choose a path that can break the heart of those people I treasure the most. And in the first place, I am here because of my intention to help them reach their dreams. It is obvious to myself now that their happiness is also my happiness beyond compare. At one time, I just realized that I was truly blessed with too much understanding and support. And how stubborn am I at times that I sometimes became skeptical to that fact returning back a  selfish gesture instead of returning it with full gratitude. Despite of my indifference and my weaknesses, I was given the chance to prove to the world that I too can do it. I was blessed with skills glowing in the embrace of my determination and faith. Now I can't deny that my heart is jumping from happiness and excitement to once again be reunited and discover what lays ahead. But this time, that path that I am choosing is leading back to them and seeing myself fulfilling my hearts desire with their everyday's warm embrace.

Truly, the experience is a bliss.

12 Years Straight Journey

It's March 1,2012 and wow, I feel quite excited as it's getting closer and closer each day to finally put a pause on my 12 years straight journey developing and debugging systems. I shall say, the entire years caused my brains jumping almost everyday analyzing, catching and fixing bugs as well as formulating logic of the system. Not to mention how many cups of coffee invested on my body for it to produce ideas and techniques that actually helped me to cope up the stress it caused me. My first 5 years of swimming codes left me hungry to gain more experience. I have felt my willingness to explore more, know more, and apply all the skills that I have in many possible ways. It was those years that I was introduced to Oracle PL/SQL programming and other stuffs related to it. It was giving me unique experience, the pressure and urge of building and developing systems was such an amazing thrill. Also a plus factor the comments I am receiving from friends that what I was doing for a profession was totally cool. In other words, a totally geek, nerd thing.

 My 6th up to 10th year on this profession brought me to a different level of experience. Aside from learning another programming language using Progress 4GL Software, I was introduced to Management world, how to get along with customers, co-managers, how others biting you behind your back, and how to mentor junior programmers. In other words, I went out from hiding inside a shell and revealed myself and what I am capable of. From being aloof to suddenly exposed a little more confidence when facing the world. That level of confidence brought me to a new opportunity working abroad. The experience was a bittersweet for me. I need to work doubled to make others see my worth and for not causing them regrets why they hired me.I need to guard all my directions or else someone might take an opportunity grabbing the credit and stab your back (not literally but figuratively). Knowing that I'm working in a foreign land, away from people that I loved was emotionally excruciating. Not to mention the important occasions that I've missed, the sense of belongingness wasn't there, and that every night all alone by myself  in the room feeling sometimes trapped and contained in a very small box. Indeed it was such unbearable even just thinking about it and will never choose to be in that position again if given an option. But I struggled very hard for me to survive and for me to finish my 2 years contract. I thought I won't make it but yes I did and I am so proud of myself. I was able to meet our plans, I was able to provide more and with my family's determination, we were able to acquire a place we can call our very own home. If there's any regret that I have in my heart for being away for two years, it would be missing the each day growing of my precious little one. Soon I will go back and I will try my very best to catch up as much as I can and show my love and care deeper each day, for a lifetime.

Love showered like rainfall

It's weekend and another schedule for me to finish the making of my business plan.Lately, Toast Box coffee shop became a comfort place for me to write down my plans for my business. Whenever I'm here, I can easily put into writing all my plans, my marketing strategy, and my next career move. All I'm wishing for is I can still continue to provide for a dream to make it happen. Despite of the headache while doing the business planning, I am actually enjoying it as It's like I'm playing on rewind my story during my MBA days few years back. But my thoughts now is being channelled to a certain experience just awhile ago that it made me compelled to blog it.

 On my way here, I was deeply strucked by the love I have witnessed from a child and how he made our hearts smile. There is this cute little boy about five or six years old inside MRT. His feet on the chair in kneeling position, facing the window, and seemed so mesmerized by the views he is seeing while the train was moving. His eyes scanned playfully as his cute movements was telling everybody looking at him how amazed he was of the tall buildings, the trees, the sky, and the speed of the train. He was constantly smiling and never shifted his body and just remained facing the window despite of the fact that MRT's speed is fast as it stops from one station to another. Then suddenly, he looked back on his shoulder, looking intently at his mommy's eyes, gave a very sweet smile like an angel,and said, 'Mommy, I love you.' After witnessing such an adorable expression of love, it made me feel like the world suddenly stops and all that's moving is the Love being showered to everyone like a rainfall. From the eyes of an innocent child, he simply adores the beauty surrounding him and he is so thankful that his mommy gave him the opportunity to see and feel the wonders in the world. I was so touched that It made my heart ache thinking all those mothers who chooses to abort their child. That very innocent, very defenseless soul. Life is very precious and producing life coming out from our very own body is our ultimate blessing from GOD. I sincerely wish that there will be no more abortion to happen in our world. Let's value life and always be grateful for the blessings bestowed to us. Now, I'm missing my boy so badly and I can't wait to hug him and take good care of him each day. Soon.

Treasure the love

Woke up this morning having puffy and baggy eyes because of my non-stop crying over a movie that I watched last night hehehe. Very cheap tears!!! I was watching 2007 IF ONLY movie starred by Jennifer Love Hewitt and Paul Nicholls. It's a touching story as it talks about learning to appreciate the people in our lives and letting them know how important they are to our existence. It's about two lovers. They both deeply in love with each other but the guy is too much occupied with his career and neglected in so many ways the small happiness of the girl that he loves so much. One night, the girl was caught by an accident and actually died. The guy witnessed it all and was really devastated because he just realized how important that lady to him and everything now seems worthless and he feels as if his life has no meaning on it. While crying over with that tragic event, one day he wakes up and he was so shock to see that the girl is lying beside him in bed. He was so shocked and couldn't believe it because he did witnessed everything and the pain in his heart is so real up to that moment. Every next moves of the girl he knew already as if like a "Dejavu", happened in the past and is like happening again. Every small happenings before the accident is happening again and just in a different version of its occurance. Of course, my tears are already flooding inside my room at this point hehehe. How I wish I bought popcorn that night. Anyways going back, as the guy realizes that things are happening again as exactly as it was, he is bound to make the one last day with the girl a memorable one. He tried hard to escape what is bound to happen, but nothing can change what is destined and he realizes that. He finally told the girl that she taught him to love and to trust. That she loves her so much. At exactly 11:00pm, they were caught by an accident but this time, it was the guy who died. Huhuhuhu, very sad story and it really caused my big eyebags this morning.

Anyways, the bottom line here is to always give time to our love ones. It made me feel a bit guilty considering that I'm far from the people I treasure the most. No money can compensate with genuine touch, the talks and hugs. We should give importance to the one we love because we really don't know when they will be taken from us. Never be afraid so say I love you or I miss you or I care for you. There's nothing compare of showing how much we care by simply telling what is there in our hearts. Savor the love and care your love ones because at the end of the day, they are our treasures in life...

My reason

I'm missing more my hometown lately especially my love ones. Sometimes we do make some sacrifices for the sake of the people we care so much. There are so many "If Only's " in my mind like "If only I'm born with ..." or "If only we have..." perhaps there's no need to go faraway and be separated from your love ones just to receive extra amount to fulfill the needs of the people you care the most. But despite of that I have no regrets in my heart because the journey of working abroad gives me different experiences, different challenges. I meet new people and witness’s different ways and cultures. Some are nice, some are very friendly and some already put marks to my heart which I will treasure always. There are so many things that I learn here. Living alone taught me to be more independent and strong. Likewise my time management is also improving like I always do even I was still there working in my hometown. I set schedules which I diligently follow. On weekends, I really don't want to miss my exercise routine at the gym to boost my immune system. And on Sundays, it’s my time to visit the house of GOD to give thanks for all the blessings and to pray for good health and safety.

I miss doing some things which I like. Cooking for instance and invite guest to come over. I miss gardening too. I'll be returning to my hometown very soon and we will do a late birthday celebration for me. Definitely I'll be the one to prepare the foods and will invite friends and relatives to come over. And also, I miss taking good care of my son whom I dearly love. Being a mom is really an ultimate reward for me. It made me complete. It made me feel beautiful always. It's like my source of strength. I am so blessed to have him and I am very proud of him. Wish I can hug him now.

Anyways, It's getting late but still awake because I'm waiting for the American Idol show at channel 5 here in Singapore. One of the finalists there is a Filipina (Thia Megia). I have so much interest with music. I and my family are musically inclined. I was so surprised in fact amazed recently on what I have discovered. My son has a good voice too and he loves singing. At his young age, he can now do timings and reach high notes. I will have his talent develop more by having him enrolled to a music class as well as playing instruments. It just feels so great to have reasons for all the sacrifices and effort I am giving now.

A Nice Article... IN LOVING ..

I found this article and it caught my attention. The article merely speaks about the total definition of love and being inlove. The magic of love is indeed quite mysterious and you just dont when you will be hit by it...Anyway, I have posted the article below. Hope the readers find this worth remembering to the hearts... :)

IN LOVING... When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happpines means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him/her the freedom to find his/her way...