Our DE Tour

Woke up at 4 am in the morning yesterday to beat the bus that was supposed to leave by 6 am. My entire night was uneased, sleeping a little bit anxious of the time. I was having fever and I'm a bit worried that I might not able to join the trip. Gladly I managed to wake up early and took my not supposed to be bath. It was still dark when I left the house. It was colder outside as it was still raining wetting the road making it too uncomfortable for walkers. The whole city seemed to be asleep still and only small sounds that I could hear echoing from some distant. I was the second one to arrive and stayed in the 24 hours doughnut store while waiting for the others. I felt proud to myself because despite of my sickness I was still very efficient about time. Many people are inside in that store. Some seemed to work in a hospital. Quite noticeable because of the uniforms that they're wearing. Some just got off from their work I think and dropped by to have some coffee before going to their homes. It was nice seeing all those people. Seldom we see them because most of us work during the day and sleep mostly during the night. While them, they sleep during the day and work during the night. It just shows how ironic life can be. We just haven't notice its small details. Well anyway, it was an educational trip for our Development of Entrepreneurship subject. We visited a farm and took lots of pictures from there. It was great and everything went well. Glad I did able to join. Our graduation day is fast approaching now. Things like this shouldn't be missed. I will definitely miss all my classmates after that big day.

Questions..

I couldn't help myself thinking of many things that I truly wanted. Sometimes it confuses me, sometimes misguided and even blinded. I wanted to follow what my conscious self is telling me but my rational being supersede each step that I was about to make. I hate myself sometimes for making me very vulnerable yet irrevocable. Easily flooded with emotions and erratic decisions. I thought I finally conquered and took control of the emotions which I think seemed to be not right. Maybe it could be right in some instance but probably not just in the right side of time to be realized. I was relieved with the thought that I have managed to make it pass without starting to hurt anyone including myself. I was finally able to breathe freely and determined to focus and follow my plans. But suddenly without a warning, the strength that I've been carefully holding on shattered into pieces allowing it to work freely covering my whole existence again. Resisting seems to be impossible after that very careful and very subtle encounter. It’s like touching my heart and echoing something to it. How can I resist? How can I make myself strong enough to become deaf and just ignore what my heart is telling me? But why it feels as if it was reciprocated? Justifying what's right and what's wrong? Sometimes I choose to ignore but it feels painful seeing and feeling that things seems affected with my cold response. And whenever that thought comes, it is hard to breathe normally. I wanted to give way to what I truly wanted but many things are holding me. Reality is biting hard and it's making me very weak to not fight for it anymore or to not keep what I'm holding right now. Am I too selfish for wanting something that I can never have? I wanted to think that life is fair; that everything has its all purpose. Should I believe then that somehow this will connect to the story of life someday? Is destiny will lead me to it? Or am I that powerful enough to twist my fate? It's hard to think but for now I will feel its existence.