Happy Birthday Dear Brother...

I'm so lack of sleep but it's all worth it. Yesterday, from work I rushed down to Gaisano mall and bought some foods to cook for my brother. I planned to surprise him. Everyone at home including my sis told him that they couldnt really prepare something since our mother is still under recovery right now in a center. My sis told me, little bro was a bit saddened but just understood the situation. I planned to surprise him by bringing foods to his little house very early in the morning. But I think the suppose to be surprise was spoiled because I can't help texting him while doing the cooking very late last night. LOL. I have prepared spaghetti, my own version of "sweetened humba yum-yum" and bam-i. I woke up very early to continue cooking. At 6am, brought the foods to his house and we sang the happy birthday song plus the "we wish you a merry christmas" LOL, my yanyan sing it to him, cute. Well though I haven't surprise him that much because of my couldn't help texting, I still saw the happiness in his eyes as he was touched by his sisters love showered upon him. He is 21 yrs old right now and we kept on teasing him that today is suppose to be his "debut" and he should wear some gown and all those pink stuff hehehe. I think he and his friends will also celebrate his birthday tonight. I love my siblings very much though I shall say little sis is quite difficult to get along with sometimes, still I couldn't abandon them especially now that they really need my love and support.

Anyway, there is something to be done this coming Sunday and I dont know if I am strong enough to face it. I am a bit afraid. It feels like dealing with the unknown. I don't want to recall memories that could only hurt me more. If only there's an option not to face it. If only I can escape from reality. I am afraid. I dont want to open up. I dont want to hurt people in any ways especially those that I love. I would rather keep the pain and struggles. I feel that I am already inside in a very thick covering and secretly forming a comfort, away from distress and pains. I am doing well now. But how can I go back to past and open up everything that was suppose to be in peace already. Fear of something is sorrounding me right now. Forcing me to say what I really feel will only hurt them. And seeing them hurt will only hurt me many folds. But I must face it right? This is for the good of everyone. Can I not tell the truth instead and just keep what's really inside of me? My nose will surely be very long in that sense like Pinnochio :D Hmmm. I should be ready and should be prepared for it. GOD help me.