I am

The air of April is flooding my lungs with excitement as the days are getting closer each day to finally be in a place called "my home". I am excited with the idea that I can do gardening again, house painting, cooking, sun bathing at a beach. and many more. In other words I can be with myself again feeling comfortable just the way I am. I won't deny though that partly there's a little worry in my heart. There's tiny apprehension that I might waste some of my skills but I will strive harder to not forsake it. 12 years straight doing what I'm doing now has blessed me enough already. Not only for myself but also for my family. I was so much blessed indeed despite of the weaknesses that I've chosen to bury inside. But all these doubts will not stop me from pursuing the plans that constantly playing in my mind. Excitement seemed producing some tickles in my inner thoughts. Many things going in my head right now like some sort of planning and imagining on what I will be doing for the next 12 months. Aside from doing something new, the fact that I will be doing it together with family made my excitement jumped higher. There's a lot of preparing that I have done lately. From plotting business plans, financial planning and estimates, acquiring some gadgets to be used which I already did some part of it (thanks to amazon.com for offering most of the tools that I need), researching online,  conducting concept survey as I wanted to apply some concepts here, formulating marketing strategies, business registration, and building renovation. Phew! these really sounded challenging to me knowing that most of the planning and execution will be done by myself. The administrative, marketing, and technical aspects in putting up the business lies in my hands so that will really keep me quite busy for the next couple of months. Financials and inventory will follow. I'm not yet sure when would be my next visit here. I wanted to keep the memories with me forever that is why as much as possible I will set my shop ambiance closely similar to what I see here. In a way, a part of this place will always be with me. And yes I will definitely miss this country too.

If you're going to ask me if am I going to miss people that I have come to make friends with here, definitely Yes! But everything has a reason and there's also reason why some of the people we know along the journey won't make it to our future. They are there to give us important lessons in life. To make us stronger, to embrace acquaintances sincerely, and to learn not to waste time and chance of knowing them better because nothing in this world is permanent except "Change". Never embrace pride when dealing with people because each of us has our own businesses, our own plans. We really never know when an opportunity knocks and when a door closes. There are changes that we cannot end and will just have to deal with it when the time to say goodbye is on us. One thing that made me survive living alone here away from the people that I love is to never stand in the ground flooded with your emotion. I was actually imagining my heart before shielded by a very strong armor protecting my love for my family. And not even a very sharp blade can pass through it and tear it apart. Sealed with prayers and faith, that made me survive here. And I am so glad what it made me. It helped me become more mature and more independent.

I am a strong woman and I am no longer afraid if other people feels intimidated with me. I no longer feel the urge to hide in a shell whenever I am sensing someone feels intimidated This is what I am. I stand firm for the love of my family and for my desire of protecting them and helping them reach their dreams. And with that I am very proud of.

I am strong.


I am.