Our DE Tour

Woke up at 4 am in the morning yesterday to beat the bus that was supposed to leave by 6 am. My entire night was uneased, sleeping a little bit anxious of the time. I was having fever and I'm a bit worried that I might not able to join the trip. Gladly I managed to wake up early and took my not supposed to be bath. It was still dark when I left the house. It was colder outside as it was still raining wetting the road making it too uncomfortable for walkers. The whole city seemed to be asleep still and only small sounds that I could hear echoing from some distant. I was the second one to arrive and stayed in the 24 hours doughnut store while waiting for the others. I felt proud to myself because despite of my sickness I was still very efficient about time. Many people are inside in that store. Some seemed to work in a hospital. Quite noticeable because of the uniforms that they're wearing. Some just got off from their work I think and dropped by to have some coffee before going to their homes. It was nice seeing all those people. Seldom we see them because most of us work during the day and sleep mostly during the night. While them, they sleep during the day and work during the night. It just shows how ironic life can be. We just haven't notice its small details. Well anyway, it was an educational trip for our Development of Entrepreneurship subject. We visited a farm and took lots of pictures from there. It was great and everything went well. Glad I did able to join. Our graduation day is fast approaching now. Things like this shouldn't be missed. I will definitely miss all my classmates after that big day.

Questions..

I couldn't help myself thinking of many things that I truly wanted. Sometimes it confuses me, sometimes misguided and even blinded. I wanted to follow what my conscious self is telling me but my rational being supersede each step that I was about to make. I hate myself sometimes for making me very vulnerable yet irrevocable. Easily flooded with emotions and erratic decisions. I thought I finally conquered and took control of the emotions which I think seemed to be not right. Maybe it could be right in some instance but probably not just in the right side of time to be realized. I was relieved with the thought that I have managed to make it pass without starting to hurt anyone including myself. I was finally able to breathe freely and determined to focus and follow my plans. But suddenly without a warning, the strength that I've been carefully holding on shattered into pieces allowing it to work freely covering my whole existence again. Resisting seems to be impossible after that very careful and very subtle encounter. It’s like touching my heart and echoing something to it. How can I resist? How can I make myself strong enough to become deaf and just ignore what my heart is telling me? But why it feels as if it was reciprocated? Justifying what's right and what's wrong? Sometimes I choose to ignore but it feels painful seeing and feeling that things seems affected with my cold response. And whenever that thought comes, it is hard to breathe normally. I wanted to give way to what I truly wanted but many things are holding me. Reality is biting hard and it's making me very weak to not fight for it anymore or to not keep what I'm holding right now. Am I too selfish for wanting something that I can never have? I wanted to think that life is fair; that everything has its all purpose. Should I believe then that somehow this will connect to the story of life someday? Is destiny will lead me to it? Or am I that powerful enough to twist my fate? It's hard to think but for now I will feel its existence.

My "Bukid" Trip Last Christmas

As I said, last Christmas we visited lola's farm. It was actually a sort of nature trekking. I did manage to capture some pictures and I wish to share it. The farm was bit far from the main part of the town. Tranquility surrounds the place and you will really find the beauty of nature quite amazing. We seldom visit that town because for one thing we couldn't get the chance to skip the call of work. That town is quite far from here. It will take 9 hours to reach the place. The trip was tiring but it's worth it. I did had fun and will be looking forward to visit the place again.

Something from the heart...

It's getting late now but still I don't want to sleep. It's raining outside. AlI l could hear is the sound of the pouring rain. The climate is been like this since these past few days. I wanted to do something. It's like I dont want to end the day yet. My body seems to be complaining already very eager to have some rest. But my mind is still busy thinking of many things. I hurried to get home because the weather is really bad right now. Thank GOD I manage to attend my class earlier and do our report. I couldn't speak a lot because of my cough. Wish this will be soon ok. I want to create something. But I'm not quite sure yet what would it be. It has to be something from the heart. Maybe writing a poem, a story? I don't know. I did wrote poems before when I was still in my college days. In fact, I posted it here. I wish to do it again. The idea makes me feel excited. Well till then..Good Night....

2009 A New Beginning.. New Realization

Year 2008 has just ended. And as year 2009 begins, I couldn't help myself recall the happenings brought to me last year. People who touches my life, disspointments, struggles and hopes. I was quite enthralled taking a glimpse of the events surrounded me as year 2008 consumed its time up to the last minute. Most were cute things, funny memories, confusions, suppressions and a lot of mix emotions. Remembering all those cute stuffs, "stuffs" as in feelings? Well, remembering all those is really giving me a blush in my cheeks. I'd never thought I would feel that. Being so helpless controlling my emotions before things get worst. I wonder how I managed that. Well maybe it’s just a matter of thinking rationally like mind rules above all things including feelings. I got a long break vacation. Visited important people whom I haven’t seen for a couple of years. I had witnessed a nearly physical fight between siblings but thank GOD misunderstanding was replaced with love and acceptance abruptly. I miss my friends, my classmates. I'm wearing a sort of strict face here in my office. But it's just a defense mechanism, a mask. It's quite hard being a manager you know. But deep inside I'm really fragile. Easily get affected with situations. Anyway, we get a chance to visit "Lola’s" farm last Christmas. I had fun taking some pictures in there. Glad we got the chance to visit her. She's quite old already. She's a woman with one look you will see full of wisdom and contentment. Although that town is very far, the trip went well. We had full of memories celebrating the Christmas in there. As 2009 begins, I already got few realizations in my life. One thing for sure is I'm really focusing now establishing a future for my love ones. Another hard decision to make is we need to stand on our own right now. It may be not at instant but we need to at least start preparing for it which I'm already doing right now. I couldn't really avoid thinking that many will surely get hurt with the decisions we made but this is the right thing to do. It's for the good of everybody. I need to stick with this decision and this time no emotions should intervene. This is my way to protect them from the harsh side of my existence. I love them despite of their negative side and I don't want to hurt them just because of my stupid pride and tactless tongue. 2008 is a great teacher as I may say. It taught me to become strong and to think in a more mature way. Here in office, I couldn't help myself to smile thinking all those fights in emails. Well the word "fight" might be too exaggerated. I shall say "misunderstanding" I guess with some detractors. But that's over now. I shouldn't let myself get into that kind of situation anymore. I should handle things more maturely now. As what I said "focus" and focus more. GOD I couldn't believe March is approaching. Soon I will receive my masters’ degree diploma. I'm quite excited but at the same time a bit sad. I'm going to miss my school life for sure and my classmates who became real close friends. I had plans after graduation though. I want to try teaching as a part time job. I want to try what its like to be the teacher at school. Would that be so hard? Not because of load which I'm pretty sure I could easily handle but because of handling different personalities of the students. It's for me to find out I guess.

So much with those, I should give some thrill revealing about my inner side and what's on my mind. I love being mysterious sometime. *wink*. Anyway, I got myself into DVD movie marathon these past few days. One story that really caught me was that movie "Twilight". I was really kind of amaze with the story. I always love the sort of "impossible love affair". Not just a simple complicated love affair but stories like a vampire in love with a human? Wow the story really caught me and I salute the author of the book. My classmate has a complete copy of the book and it's very kind of her to share it to me. Each chapter is a bit long but I have lots of patience reading it especially that the story somehow touches me. These are the kind of stories that I love, "the impossible love stories". Well hope I could finish reading it all. It is darkening my eyes right now. Letting myself sleep very, very late because of the excitement of reading it. Oh I couldn’t wait seeing the part 2 of that movie. Hmmm, well this message is getting longer now. I think I should stop before the reader gets bored. Are you? Well hope not. Come visit my blog again. Happy New Year!

My Taytay Rizal Trip

My sincerest apology if I haven't posted messages here for almost two months already. I was too occupied with this new project handed to me by my boss. Being the project manager for this account, I need to be sure that everything will run smoothly that's why I personally checked everything. It seemed that my boss really expected a lot from me and so I'm getting this pressure all the time. But despite of the hardship, I always see things positively. I always told myself that this is my stepping stone to reach what I really dreamed of. Everything that I have experienced now plays important role of how I see things differently each day. Different people that I need to interact with in order to make the implementation of the project a success. It may sound stressful but I love what I'm doing right now and the opportunities that it gave me.

Anyway, my stay at Taytay Rizal was ok. People from Cruztelco (our client) were really accommodating. In fact last Friday, they gave us a complimentary card allowing us to stay at Club Manila East and use all the amenities for free. This resort is also one of the properties of Cruz family. Well I already anticipated the gestures so I already brought with me my bathing suit *wink*. I love swimming. It's a good exercise and I really had fun. The place was great. Lots of foreigners stay in there. The food was terrific also. I think we already tried everything that can be found in the menu and of course that's all for free. They allow us to occupy one of their "Cabanas" as they call it. It was nice. A sort of cottage but as we termed it “with class”. I'm going to visit the place again to perform the main part of the implementation. Hope this project will be a success. We took some pictures and posted it here as well. Visit the place too, you won’t regret it.

Trails of Friendship

In this modern world that we're living in, our busy schedules somehow control the way we perceive life. Yes we see new faces everyday. We get acquainted and eventually we allow them to become part of what we call our circle of friendship. Yet we haven't realized that only a few of them will prevail. Some chooses to become a friend for a lifetime but some just for awhile. We must be ready to face reality that friends do come and go. They're here today but tomorrow who knows. I realized that the degree of friendship depends on oneself and up to what level you will allow that person to penetrate your whole existence. Some were quite fortunate when they get the chance to really know the true person behind that facade smile. But alas for those who get rejected despite of many efforts that they have given and despite of the sincere offering for friendship and trust. We couldn't blame the person if he/she puts barriers because they may have personal reasons behind it. We may sincerely want to be welcomed in all aspects of their lives but sadly there's nothing we can do when that opportunity already comes to its end. It is sad though to realize that people change abruptly without giving a clue that the change is about to begin. That the road of friendship has come to its finish line and there's no other way to move on but to step backwards for us to at least preserve the remaining trails of friendship. I simply realized that this is the way it is and we have to live with it. Our hearts may be stained with pain and sadness for awhile but time knows how to heal it. We need to be strong and should always be ready because none of us can beat life's greatest challenge; and that is living in a world full of constant change.

Poems don't Rhyme

Hi. Sorry if I was carried away with sad emotions last time. It just really shows how vulnerable I am sometimes. I'm doing great now. I saw someone that I missed. Hmmm... it's a secret. As usual there are many things that have to be done here in office. I keep on receiving emails from my boss and from sales people informing me that another client will subscribe to our system. I'm happy with that but it's just that we are having hard time to cope all of those now because I'm in shortage of manpower. Two of my programmers have tendered their resignation last week. There are already lots applicants but none of them passed the exam yet :-(. We're really having hard time now looking for a replacement. Applicants should pass the exam because what I need is with high analytical skills. Anyway, I’ll be out of town next week to attend meetings with two different clients at Manila. Thank GOD it's not yet our Marketing Management defense. I'm beginning to get panic with my schedules now. Hope I could still manage this. I don’t want to stop schooling especially now that 1 semester more to go to graduate. So exciting yet sad to think because it means I will seldom see my classmates then and…… it’s a secret. Hope we will still get in touch always when that time comes. Anyway, I saw this short message from an email. It feels like I'm the author because I could simply relate. Can you relate this to your life too? Till then.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."

Awful Morning

I feel bad now because I found out something. I wish to shout. I wish to cry. It may sound stupid to someone that because of very ordinary things I feel very awful but that something means a lot to me. I feel being betrayed. I feel alone. What should I do? I havent taken my breakfast yet. I feel bad really.

Things that I truly missed

These past few days I really feel as if I'm totally used up. It's been a stressful weeks doing our feasibility study at school at the same time attending all concerns here in the office. I miss spending most of my time at home with my family. I miss doing gardening. I miss buying of new pots where I could plant beautiful flowers. I miss decorating our little house. I miss doing re-paintings our stairs. I miss going to smalls stores at Cogon area where I could buy very affordable items. I miss reading my pocket books. I miss visiting a library and just browse for any interesting books. I miss checking what's new in the pirated DVD stores hehehe. I miss doing grocery during lunch time. I miss the "Simbang Gabi". I miss waking at 3 o'clock in the morning to attend the mass during Easter Sunday. I miss walking a few meters before reaching my office. I miss going home before 6pm. I miss our fun talks with my mother and sister while waiting for the sun to set. I miss decorating our very cute christmas tree. I miss seeing colorful firecrackers in the sky during Chirstmas and New Year Celebration. I miss doing the caroling. I miss cooking various kinds of foods for a special occasion. I miss wrapping of gifts. I miss the Noche Buena. I miss listening to "Visayan" christmas songs. I miss watching cartoons. And above all, I miss my family.