CDO Rotary Club 3RD Joint Fellowship

Last night, I have attended our city's Rotary Club fellowship at Ghana Lim Ketkai. I thought that was just a small gathering since I'm not much aware what's really the purpose of that event. It was actually not just a fellowship but also the launching of the 1st CDO Rotary Gawad Kalinga Village with Congressman Rufus B. Rodriguez as the main sponsor. I was SO happy that I got the chance to meet and actually have conversation with the famous city officials as well as the major player businessman in the city. They were very accommodating and nice. That meeting was attended by 5 Rotary clubs in Cagayan de Oro City.The Rotary Club of Uptown CDO, Rotary Club of CDO Centerpoint, Rotary Club of Carmen Valley West, Rotary Club of CDO Far East, and the Rotary Club of West CDO who actually accommodated me well and sponsored me. My Sincere thanks to PDG Cocoy Velez , Chairman of Board Advisers for Rotary Club West CDO who personally accompanied me and explained to me how the rotary works and help the community. I was so flattered when Director Fe Juarez,mentioned during her welcome address how I was given the invitation to join the Rotary club. It was all started actually when I filled up an application form at the Rotary International website last July. I have never expected that the application was forwarded to my city's Rotary club officials. They called me up last Friday and invited me to join them last night. I simply thought that it was just a small gathering and have never expected that I'll be called in front together with the other invited guest. All of the Rotarians gave us a hand shake welcoming us to the group. It was so flattering. Miss Kagay-an 2009 and her court was also there speaking their motives and projects for the community. I was assessing everything last night asking myself am I in the right group. It's my dream to build a foundation someday and help the less fortunate. As I scanned the crowd, it feels that I'm not yet ready to face this kind of challenge and so I have decided to put on hold my membership for now until such time that I'll become fully ready to meet the requirements. Rotary clubs in the city has bigger projects and would really cost millions and not to mention the time it will require. I would love to join them but I think, now is not yet the time. Like what Mr. Manoloto said, also invited to join the group whom I also got the chance to share my insights, 'there are many ways in helping the community and it's up to us where to we feel comfortable and happy'. I was really glad I have met many people in there. Sir Roger Uy and Sir Chito Sarraga were also very kind to accommodate me. The food was great and I really enjoyed the evening. GOD Bless and Good luck to their future endeavor.

Caught me off guard

"If there is life after death, I will still choose to love you." This line touches the core of heart and I really couldn't help myself but to cry. It brought me many realizations. For one, I am so blessed because there's a person in my life who loves me that much whom I thought had neglected me in so many ways. It made me understand that loving can be expressed in many forms. It may not coincide to one's expectations but it doesn't mean that person doesn't love us. It made me realize that behind that too much understanding, behind the silence despite of the stubbornness and behind those simple actions there lays deep affection loving my whole existence. I feel ashamed to myself. I was so selfish thinking only my own satisfaction and happiness. I was much occupied with those negative feelings that I tend to doubt one's love and care for me. I feel relieved. I feel I am starting to let go of the distress and whatever negative auras that I kept for quite sometime already. I know there are few things that I need to correct and I am now determined to make it right and save what’s seemed to be dying. I thank GOD for making me see the light and allowing me to penetrate those lines to my body, mind and soul. Yes indeed, I am blessed.

Happy Birthday Dear Brother...

I'm so lack of sleep but it's all worth it. Yesterday, from work I rushed down to Gaisano mall and bought some foods to cook for my brother. I planned to surprise him. Everyone at home including my sis told him that they couldnt really prepare something since our mother is still under recovery right now in a center. My sis told me, little bro was a bit saddened but just understood the situation. I planned to surprise him by bringing foods to his little house very early in the morning. But I think the suppose to be surprise was spoiled because I can't help texting him while doing the cooking very late last night. LOL. I have prepared spaghetti, my own version of "sweetened humba yum-yum" and bam-i. I woke up very early to continue cooking. At 6am, brought the foods to his house and we sang the happy birthday song plus the "we wish you a merry christmas" LOL, my yanyan sing it to him, cute. Well though I haven't surprise him that much because of my couldn't help texting, I still saw the happiness in his eyes as he was touched by his sisters love showered upon him. He is 21 yrs old right now and we kept on teasing him that today is suppose to be his "debut" and he should wear some gown and all those pink stuff hehehe. I think he and his friends will also celebrate his birthday tonight. I love my siblings very much though I shall say little sis is quite difficult to get along with sometimes, still I couldn't abandon them especially now that they really need my love and support.

Anyway, there is something to be done this coming Sunday and I dont know if I am strong enough to face it. I am a bit afraid. It feels like dealing with the unknown. I don't want to recall memories that could only hurt me more. If only there's an option not to face it. If only I can escape from reality. I am afraid. I dont want to open up. I dont want to hurt people in any ways especially those that I love. I would rather keep the pain and struggles. I feel that I am already inside in a very thick covering and secretly forming a comfort, away from distress and pains. I am doing well now. But how can I go back to past and open up everything that was suppose to be in peace already. Fear of something is sorrounding me right now. Forcing me to say what I really feel will only hurt them. And seeing them hurt will only hurt me many folds. But I must face it right? This is for the good of everyone. Can I not tell the truth instead and just keep what's really inside of me? My nose will surely be very long in that sense like Pinnochio :D Hmmm. I should be ready and should be prepared for it. GOD help me.

Rejection.. Understanding its peculiarity.

This morning I want to write about the word "Rejection" and how can it possibly affect one's perception about his inner self and esteem. Wanting or doing something sometimes causes us too much bravery and courage. But since we are motivated to do it and because of the desire to make a person happy, we face the challenge and gave all that we have. But what will happen if despite of this bravery that we have revealed and despite of the consequences that we are about to face, we've met the curse of rejection instead? Mostly we feel belittle and self doubt will slowly covers our mind claiming our inner self that we did something wrong. We are beginning to think that maybe our action doesn't in sync to suppose to be motive which is to make that person happy. After that rational reasoning, what happen next? We tend to never face the curse of rejection again. Hence, as simple as that we never do the same thing again which we think beforehand as such a big mistake. Pardon my reasoning but I'm writing this in behalf of my own understanding and thinking.

Circumstances are so ironic indeed. We feared to commit the same mistakes so we never do it again. But how peculiar people can be? When they see the changes in us, they begin to question us "what's wrong?" Why you are now like this and like that? But can I also ask you, "Isn't this want to you have wanted?" I don't understand and I can no longer understand. Now I believed that we will really feel how important a person to us if he/she is no longer there doing those things that once we have just rejected. What will happen to that person who was once rejected and now longed to be back again? Confusion surrounds his/her inner soul. Can no longer think the next move for there's like a solid proof that covers the heart disallowing any forms of attacks causing another pain and sadness. The question is how to be brave again and how to do things that was once rejected? How to ease the fear with trust and courage one more time? Finding answers is quite difficult but all I know the greatest key to find the answers is "Time". Time can heal and time will unleash the imprisoned heart out from distress and disappointments.

Where to host my site?

I was searching from Goggle the best site to host this business that I have in mind right now. My DSL connection in my apartment will soon to be working hopefully within this week. Since I usually slept very late at night, I have decided to build a new site where I could start promoting a business. This is more on giving services as well as offering party accessories to prospect clients. I can do lots of things actually but sadly I just don't know where to start. I kept on searching within me what I really wanted but sometimes it's really too hard to see it. I tend to become a complicated person sometimes that me myself, couldn't really read what lies in me. Anyways, going back to the effort which I made this morning selecting from various sites where I could probably host my page, it turned out that it's a bit hard to choose which of those are really effective. I tried signing up to some of those sites that I found but using their tools in building pages seemed to be a bit complicated and not that manageable. I even browse my old sites and see whether I can remodel the contents and change the theme that will fit to the nature of my business. Hmmm it's dissappointing. I can't choose. Finally, I have decided to host it here. I will just create another site in blogspot and still under my account. I think it will be manageable to me and very easy to maintain. Besides, blogging these days is very effective. So im sure, promoting my site and especially my business would be too easy. Once done, I will start some promotions, attract customers and will officially register it to our local office. And hopefully I would be able to put up a small business office here in my city. Well, good luck to me. Till my next blog....

Oracle PL/SQL Training Computer Based Training Program

It's been 4 years since I stopped using Oracle as my programming language in building application. Though I can see that I became an expert before in Oracle coding and debugging, still I need to review since I have been using Progress programming now for almost 5 yrs already and had left Oracle syntax. I am having a training course now for Oracle PL/SQL under computer based training program provided by the PLDT management. I feel excited too in taking this course. The duration by the way for this training will start today (August 11,2009) to August 24,2009. Every day, the program will take 6-8 hours depending on how fast am I to cope up with the topics being discussed. It's great because after taking this and hopefully I'll be able to pass the exam, the training team will provide me a certificate of completion. I have always believed that all of these that I am doing right now is preparing for something big. I have always believed that one day I'll reach what I have always dreamed of in terms of my career ladder. Yesterday, I was very occupied in making a business case analysis for the system that we are developing right now. I couldn't believed when my boss asked me to prepare a business case analysis for one day? But gladly, I made it and have produced a good one. I always take every challenges as my stepping stone. As I said, I know everything that I do now feels like preparing for the future. I know I'll be able to make it with flying colors. Someday, I'll reach my dreams. "Aim high and think big".

Oh My! I Miss Blogging..

My sincere apology to my readers. It's been awhile since my last blogging here and I really miss it. I was too occupied with many things lately and I haven't really got the chance to open this blogging site. Many beautiful things happened but there are also sad moments. Right now, I'm handling lots of confusions but this is life. Like what an author said and I quote "What makes coffee sweet? Sugar? No! It's the stirring you do after adding sugar. Like in life, it's what you do with you have that makes it worthwhile!" All of us will really meet challenges in life and part of it is dealing with confusions letting you decide which way to go. I am rationalizing things right now. Allowing my mind to weigh every consequence to be dealt with in case I would choose a different path. People see me right now as a strong person but deep inside I am fragile yet trying to act bravely and smartly. And yes I can handle this. Anyway, I had a fun experience last July 26, 2009. I was with my MBA friends and we visited again Del Monte plantation at Bukidnon Misamis Oriental. From there we went to the Club house for a horseback riding. It was really a memorable experience because while riding, suddenly it rained very, very hard. The horses became distracted and actually frightened and so they run fast. It was too scary but on the other side, what an experience riding a horse running marvelously. For me I can feel all those things described in a novel about horses and how fascinating it is being a rider. I was all wet during that time but it was worth it. While riding, I have forgotten all those things that confuse me even the some pains that linger inside my heart. I was like a newborn being flying free in the air. After that horseback riding, we went to Menzi Orchard and had experienced the whispers of the mountains and trees. It was great and I would love to do that again. I will surely put that in this blog. Till then and thank for your continuous support.

Life at 30..

Last March 2009, I have celebrated two important events in my life. One is reaching total maturity being me at 30 and the other one is finally achieving my Masters degree in Business Administration. It was such a wonderful experience though partly I was having some fear, the fear of aging. Perhaps I am feeling this because there are still lots of things that I wish to try, I wish to discover. But life is just like this and we must face reality everyday of our lives. I am so blessed that at this age, I feel I have achieved much. I am looking forward to try and discover things in another horizons. I'm so glad I felt all those wonderful emotions in the past. Happiness, sadness, attraction, determination, hope and gratitude. And I thank everybody who helped me become what I am today.

Our DE Tour

Woke up at 4 am in the morning yesterday to beat the bus that was supposed to leave by 6 am. My entire night was uneased, sleeping a little bit anxious of the time. I was having fever and I'm a bit worried that I might not able to join the trip. Gladly I managed to wake up early and took my not supposed to be bath. It was still dark when I left the house. It was colder outside as it was still raining wetting the road making it too uncomfortable for walkers. The whole city seemed to be asleep still and only small sounds that I could hear echoing from some distant. I was the second one to arrive and stayed in the 24 hours doughnut store while waiting for the others. I felt proud to myself because despite of my sickness I was still very efficient about time. Many people are inside in that store. Some seemed to work in a hospital. Quite noticeable because of the uniforms that they're wearing. Some just got off from their work I think and dropped by to have some coffee before going to their homes. It was nice seeing all those people. Seldom we see them because most of us work during the day and sleep mostly during the night. While them, they sleep during the day and work during the night. It just shows how ironic life can be. We just haven't notice its small details. Well anyway, it was an educational trip for our Development of Entrepreneurship subject. We visited a farm and took lots of pictures from there. It was great and everything went well. Glad I did able to join. Our graduation day is fast approaching now. Things like this shouldn't be missed. I will definitely miss all my classmates after that big day.

Questions..

I couldn't help myself thinking of many things that I truly wanted. Sometimes it confuses me, sometimes misguided and even blinded. I wanted to follow what my conscious self is telling me but my rational being supersede each step that I was about to make. I hate myself sometimes for making me very vulnerable yet irrevocable. Easily flooded with emotions and erratic decisions. I thought I finally conquered and took control of the emotions which I think seemed to be not right. Maybe it could be right in some instance but probably not just in the right side of time to be realized. I was relieved with the thought that I have managed to make it pass without starting to hurt anyone including myself. I was finally able to breathe freely and determined to focus and follow my plans. But suddenly without a warning, the strength that I've been carefully holding on shattered into pieces allowing it to work freely covering my whole existence again. Resisting seems to be impossible after that very careful and very subtle encounter. It’s like touching my heart and echoing something to it. How can I resist? How can I make myself strong enough to become deaf and just ignore what my heart is telling me? But why it feels as if it was reciprocated? Justifying what's right and what's wrong? Sometimes I choose to ignore but it feels painful seeing and feeling that things seems affected with my cold response. And whenever that thought comes, it is hard to breathe normally. I wanted to give way to what I truly wanted but many things are holding me. Reality is biting hard and it's making me very weak to not fight for it anymore or to not keep what I'm holding right now. Am I too selfish for wanting something that I can never have? I wanted to think that life is fair; that everything has its all purpose. Should I believe then that somehow this will connect to the story of life someday? Is destiny will lead me to it? Or am I that powerful enough to twist my fate? It's hard to think but for now I will feel its existence.